What I could've gone my whole life without.

"All the terrible things I've done,
All the hurt I've caused,
I made her never see the sun,
My heart and mind are lost.

I planted a seed,
Watched it grow,
I did this deed,
I broke your hearts, dear I know.

I took the axe up in my hands,
And with one brutal swing,
I cut these bands,
Which helped my redwood to sing.

She fell and catch her i did not.
Her heart crashed to the floor.
The wood began to rot,
It will never be as before.

Tears drop to the ground,
You expected me to be there,
But love, i wasnt even around
to see it through, an you cant bare

to see me now,
And i don't blame you,
I don't know how,
I could do the things i do

to you babe,
I just have no heart.
The promises i made,
I didnt want you hurt from the start.

But i did.
Lets not kid.
I hid.
I'm a worthless little kid.
I cut us off mid
love. now rid
yourself of your love for me.

I dont deserve an ounce of it.
I dont believe i ever will again,
I treated you like shit,
I hope your heart will mend.

After all this,
The last thing i expect is your love.
All of this is hit or miss.
Babe you are my dove.

My redwood, the one for me.
And damn did i fuck up.
I cut down our beautiful tree,
I poured the tea out of our cup.

Now i see,
All I'll be,
Is a cheat,
I should let you beat,
The living hell outta me.

These  tears on your cheek,
They are like a dagger in my chest,
I deserve more than this
punishment you inflict. is that the best

You've got?
No of course not.
I'd have thought
You'd bring a drought.
To my lot.

I'm going to chop down the tree
That now stands where you were.
She can never be
What you are to me.

I dont expect you to love me,
In fact, I dont want you to.
I just want you to be
Happy. Do what you need to do.

Just hear me out,
Your redwood is still there,
I just dont want you to come about.
Please, please dont care.

I never want to hurt you again.
If i did, this knife i hold,
Would pierce my heart and never mend,
I want to be cold.

It what i deserve for what i have done."
-a poem that Able wrote for me a year ago, that he gave to me on paper today.